were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
