Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
