We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
