I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
