I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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