Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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