there's paper in my vomit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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