Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
