So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
