I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just had sex on a roof
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
