the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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