he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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