So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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