Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize