Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize