after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
