It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
