well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
