You're so nebulous sometimes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
