just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
