I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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