Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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