So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
