i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
