I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
