Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
