Christians are straight up FREAKS
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
