dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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