I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
