If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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