i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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