five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
