walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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