The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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