On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
