I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
