i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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