dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
