this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
