my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
there is glitter all over my balls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize