I got chris browned last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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