Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
