Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
