I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
