when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
