I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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