I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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