I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.