So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.