Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Cold hands, warm shart.

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  (248): Cold hands, warm shart. http://tfl.nu/a5c8
  Replies (3) Good night (1118) Bad night (3435)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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  (315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge. http://tfl.nu/kztm
  Replies (35) Good night (860) Bad night (4363)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.

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  (586): so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way. http://tfl.nu/j3jb
  Replies (15) Good night (3057) Bad night (680)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry

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  (309): dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry http://tfl.nu/gvg3
  Replies (20) Good night (584) Bad night (4473)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (128748) Bad night (3241)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

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  (901): He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him. http://tfl.nu/u51w
  Replies (23) Good night (7278) Bad night (944)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

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  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (5945) Bad night (992)
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  (718): View more from New York

  it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store

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  (718): it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store http://tfl.nu/b87c
  Replies (8) Good night (4652) Bad night (887)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.

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  (701): I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand. http://tfl.nu/l8ik
  Replies (8) Good night (793) Bad night (2095)
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  (516): View more from New York

  "guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"

  (516): View more from New York

  Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.

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  (516): "guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch" (516): Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student. http://tfl.nu/syiw
  Replies (1) Good night (1195) Bad night (1158)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.

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  (859): So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara. http://tfl.nu/jqcr
  Replies (13) Good night (865) Bad night (1431)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.

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  (303): Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up. http://tfl.nu/afn3
  Replies (6) Good night (1027) Bad night (416)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.

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  (561): She thinks Jesus was an astronaut. http://tfl.nu/koey
  Replies (11) Good night (895) Bad night (529)
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  (925): View more from California

  Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.

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  (925): Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties. http://tfl.nu/9kne
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (860)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.

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  (860): My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude. http://tfl.nu/4dzv
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (328)

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