She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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