Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night