i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
