wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time