I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
