We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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