This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
