I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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