I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
