I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
