Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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