i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who died my cat blue again?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
