I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
