yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
