There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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