I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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