Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
