So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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