listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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