U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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