the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
