I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
