Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
