Got a toothbrush?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
