Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pants are for mortals
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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